Train Ride

This last week, we traveled to Colorado for a family reunion in Manitou Springs.  After the reunion, we stayed a couple of days to make the most of the 12 hour drive.  My parents, my brother, my sister, and her (new) fiancee were with us on the trip.  My granddad also rode out with us, but he traveled back with one of my uncles.  It was a true family vacation.

The night before we left, Paxton was showing some signs of respiratory distress, so I took him to urgent care.  He was diagnosed with an upper respiratory infection, ear infections in both ears and bronchiolitis.  He was to do breathing treatments four times a day, antibiotics once a day and ear drops for pain.  When I told the doctor we were going to Colorado, she strongly suggested I do not take him into the mountains.  Bummer!  One of the main events for the family reunion was a trip up Pikes Peak.

I had been pretty nervous about the ride up and down the mountain.  I had been up as a kid, and I remembered my mom being scared, and almost every adult woman I told we were going said to prepare myself... it's nerve wracking.  I knew I would be telling Jackson to slow down, and that would make him mad, so I figured it wouldn't have been a very fun trip for anyone in our van.  To me, Paxton's illness was a pretty convenient way out.  I struggled with the decision not to go up with the rest of the family.  Several people offered to stay down with poor, little Paxie, and Jackson really wanted me to go up with he and the other kids.  In the end, I stayed with Paxton.  My dad and Granddad rode up with Jackson and the kids (Thank goodness he took them with him because Camden threw up on the way back down).  I had been anxious about the thought of driving up, and after hearing all of the family talk about the trip up, I was certain I had made the right choice.

Traveling with four kids and extended family can be really stressful.  Especially for me who was having to keep track of the budget and keep Paxton on his medicine regime.  I had a break down a couple of days into the trip.  We went to Garden of the Gods, souvenir shopping and to lunch with my entire branch of the family tree.  Jackson and my sister's fiancee went  to play golf, so I was solely in charge of ordering and making sure the kids ate.  Susana, my sister, was riding with me and she and my parents were helping out with the kids, but I was feeling totally overwhelmed at that point.  We ate lunch and all went back to the hotel.  I laid down and took a nap while my parents took the older kids swimming.  I woke up feeling better, but I really would have liked to just go home at that point.  I knew that wasn't an option though because the thing my kids were most looking forward to was the train ride the next day.

The entire family just before the train ride.  

We all had decided to go on a train ride on the Royal Gorge Route Railroad in Cañon City, Colorado.  We had been watching carefully because there were wildfires in that area.  Two days before, the train had been running half routes because debris from the Royal Gorge Bridge had fallen onto the tracks. On the day of our trip, the train was back up and running!  We spent the morning walking around historic Manitou Springs.  We did some shopping, the kids played at an arcade, and we had a very nice lunch.  Then we drove about an hour down to the train depot.


I was a little nervous about the train ride, too.  I have been having some trouble with anxiety, and I was worried I would get anxious when we started going.  I really had nothing to worry about... as usual.  We all found our seats and started on the trip.  Shortly after the trip began, everyone decided to venture out to the open air car.  I stayed inside for a little while, but the views were really spectacular outside.  We all went outside except my brother, Jamin.  Jamin has autism and has trouble with sensory integration.  He has always struggled with walking down steps that you can see through, swinging bridges and that sort of thing.  He was perfectly content sitting in his seat on the train.

My mom and dad had tried to get him to go outside, but he wanted to stay put.  I hated leaving him inside by himself, so I asked him to come out with me.  He often answers a question with a question, so his response was, "What if I want to stay here?" I told him that was okay, but I thought he would really like it outside.  He asked if the train would stop moving.  I said, "Yes, eventually it will, but not for a while."  So we sat.  Then Gray came in and asked Jamin if he wanted to come out.  "What if I don't want to?"  I asked him, "Do you really not want to, or are you scared?"  "Will the train stop moving?"

Finally I said, "Just give me your hands.  I'll walk with you."  He reached out his hands and quickly pulled them back, crossing his arms.  Then he put both hands on the seat like he was going to push up out of the seat.  But he pulled his hands back, vigorously rubbed his thighs and crossed his arms again.  He looked up at me, then back down.  Rubbed the palms of his hands together and crossed his arms.  I said, "Come on, trust me."  Still holding out my hands... I knew he was close to getting up.  I wasn't certain he would do it, but I could tell he wanted to.  We continued several minutes.  I was saying encouraging words.  Jamin was rubbing palms, rubbing thighs and crossing arms.  Looking up at me, looking back down.  Almost standing up, but never really lifting off the seat.

"Who's out there?" he asked.  "Everyone but us."  He looked down for a moment then he put his hands on mine.  He stood up, and took off running.  "I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm coming..."  He yells all the way down the aisle.  I chase after him, surprised we aren't walking slow, shuffling steps.  I open the door between the two cars and he yells "I'm coming, I'm coming".  Just when he gets to my mom and dad, he says, "I'm here."  That moment was worth all of the stress of the entire trip.  We laughed and enjoyed the scenery.  Enjoyed our family time.  Jamin didn't go back inside until the trip was almost over. 

Jamin and I after he came out of the train car.

Jamin, much more at ease.

After all of the worry, will I be anxious, could I get motion sick, is it going to be uncomfortably hot? The train ride was my favorite part of the trip.  It was relaxing.  It was beautiful.  Everyone enjoyed it.  The next day we were heading home, and I was wishing we could stay longer.   Quite a change from the day before, when I was wishing we could just skip the train ride and go home.

I love that we can make memories with our family.  My kids get to take trips with their grandparents, aunts and uncles... things some kids never get to experience.  Traveling can get crazy sometimes, especially with a stressed out, anxious momma.  I have to try my best to let go of the anxieties because the entire trip usually turns out just like the train ride... wonderful!  We have fabulous photos, fun souvenirs and loads of stories. 

My family at Garden of the Gods.

Remembering Joplin

May 22, 2011 is a day I will never forget.  The summer before, our family had driven in a torrential downpour.  We had hydroplaned, it was nearly impossible to see the road, and I was terrified.  Sunday, May 22, we were on our way toward St. Joseph, Mo.  We had been home visiting family.  Because of our experience the year before, I was carefully monitoring the weather radar.  I was hopeful that we would get home before having to drive in any rain. 

We were just north of Bolivar, MO and we had pulled over, for something I cannot remember.  As we went to turn back onto the highway we were facing west and I could see the clouds to the north of the storm. I had just checked the radar and told Jackson that Joplin really looked like they were getting hit hard, and I was glad we had chosen to go see his family before we headed back home... This took us out of the path of that storm. Then our four-year-old, Camden said, "Look, I see Jesus!"  I looked ahead, and though I didn't see exactly what he was seeing, he pointed to the clouds to the north of the thunderhead and described Jesus with his arms stretched out.  You could see sun rays shining through the clouds, and I figured that was what he was talking about. 

We talked about the clouds for a bit and then continued on with the usual car trip chatter.  About an hour later, my sister called to tell me about the tornado.  I was shocked!  I knew the storm had looked bad on radar, but I never could have imagined just how terrible it was.  I was searching facebook and news channels and couldn't wait to get home to turn on the news.  When I began seeing photos, I couldn't believe what I was seeing. 

Joplin had been my home.  It was where my adult life and my family began.  It was my first home away from my hometown... The first time I ever moved.  The place I met my husband.  I worked on the south side of town, went to college at MSSU, and got married just north of where the tornado had hit.  I had driven those streets daily, knew parts of it by heart.  I spent almost every Sunday night for the first year of college at the CiCi's Pizza that was now gone.  The first time I went back after the tornado, I was amazed at how unrecognizable it was.

People who knew where I was from would ask if I had friends or family who had been effected.  Yes, I did.  I knew lots of people who had damage to their homes and property, their places of employment, even a few who had been injured.  I was acquainted with one girl who lost her life.  So yes, I knew people who had been effected.  But I realized that I, too, had been effected.  Not in the same way, but I think anyone who has ever called Joplin "home" could say they were effected by the storm. 

It took me a while to remember the conversation about seeing Jesus in the clouds.  When I did, I realized it was the same time the storm was hitting Joplin.  It still gives me goosebumps thinking about it.  Through the eyes of a child I saw that Jesus was there. 

Some things I'd rather not do.

This morning I had quite the excitement at my house.  There are some things I would rather not have to deal with, and this morning was one example. 

I woke up around 7:30, and listened to the baby monitor to see if the kids were up yet.  I could hear the big boys, so I laid there listening.  Grayson went in to get Paxton when he started crying and brought him down to me.  Then the boys went in to brush their teeth.  At some point, while I was playing with Paxton in my room, Camden heard the cat outside the door.  Mayflower is an indoor cat, but she loves being outside almost as much.  He opened the door to let her in, and that is when I hear the boys yelling, "Mom! Mayflower has a bird!"  I am expecting her to be outside, and I step out of my room to see Mayflower in the family room, with a vibrant red cardinal in her mouth! 

The bird is squawking, making a horrible racket.  I tell the boys to go open the door and plan on chasing Mayflower back outside.  She has other plans though and runs upstairs.  I walk cautiously up the stairs and listen for the bird.  It sounds as though it's at the end of the hallway, so I walk down to the boys room.  Mayflower has the bird in her mouth and comes out into the hallway from the boys' room.  Then goes into the playroom.  I am able to chase her back to the top of the stairs.  But then she puts the bird down. 

At this point, I have a dilemma... Do I chase the cat out first, or try to rescue the bird? I am trying to decide the best way to rescue this bird when he makes a run for it.  Mayflower takes off after it, feathers flying, and she gets him.  I chase her back downstairs, grab her by the hind legs and shove her out the back door.

Madalynn has slept through all of the commotion right outside her door.  Then I realize I haven't seen the boys.  I go to my bedroom and they yell, "Shut the door!"  I tell them the bird and the cat are outside, crises averted.  Then I notice Gray is on the phone.  Apparently, he called Jackson while I was chasing the cat and told him we had an emergency and that he needed to get home.  He was just wrapping up the morning walk with his store manager, who thought the whole situation was quite comical. 

I was glad he was on his way home though.  That meant I didn't have to deal with the cleanup... Mayflower ate the cardinal right outside the back door.  He also vacuumed the feather upstairs.  Mayflower first took the bird under Camden's bed, so there were feathers all over their room, as well as, at the top of the stairs.

Maybe the boys have learned that even though I usually don't mess with animals if I can help it, I am capable of taking care of things when Dad isn't home. 

Spinning out of control!

Sometimes I feel as though things are spinning out of control.  I have been having a week (or maybe a few weeks) like that lately.

February 1st starts the birthdays in our family.  We have February 1, 3 and 26, and March 11.  This year included a First Birthday.  So we had the first birthday party back home, first birthday pictures, and parties for the older kids.  We were birthday-ing all through February and the first 2 weeks of March!

My sister was moving the end of February.  So I drove down to help her pack and move every weekend I was available that month.  Throw in opening day of trout season for Jackson, a full week of work for me and 4 snow days for the kids, and you get a pretty crazy month and a half!

Now that our calendar has fewer things, you would think my life would feel on track.  Unfortunately, that isn't the case.  I have gotten so behind on things.  Jackson is great at cleaning on his days off, but the days he works, things just fall apart.  I feel like I am running in circles and not accomplishing a thing. 

The problem... I am being thwarted by a one year old.  I spend so much time picking up after Paxton, I can't get much done for myself.  Gray came home sick from school the other day, and when he got home he said, "Every day after school, there is new mess".  That day it was cereal on the floor.  Right now, there is popcorn that Pax dumped on the floor behind my chair.  I will sweep it up as soon as I finish writing.  He digs things out of the trash and recycling.  Yesterday I caught him eating a biscuit I had thrown away after breakfast!  I keep all of the doors shut, or he will throw things in the toilet and pull things off my dresser and night stand.  We have locked almost all of the cabinets, but he still finds things to get into.  If I sit down to work at the desk, he cries until I pick him up and then starts grabbing things... anything he can get his hands on, stapler, pens, pencils, anything.  Now that he is walking, he can reach higher, so I have to keep things off the surfaces he can reach.   I don't remember the other kids being such mess makers!

My to-do list is never ending.  I need to go through the kids clothes for spring.  Gray just pulled out 3 shirts that no longer fit, and I know the other kids have things, too.  I need to find things to sell in a garage sale and plan the sale.  I need to work on plans for my 15-year class reunion.  I need to work on planning our vacation.  Find time to exercise, read, scrapbook...

I will try to take Jackson's advice and focus on one thing at a time.  Though I am often interrupted by someone needing something.  Maybe I will focus on a few things at a time.  It seems to work better for me that way.  I will also remind myself of my accomplishments.  Maybe I should keep a running have-done list instead of, or in addition to, a to-do list, since I have never been very good at crossing things off my to-do list.

I have just had an ah-ha moment!  This may be the answer to my frustration.  Right now I am starting my have-done list for the week.

• I attended the Parent Advisory Committee meeting and the PTA Meeting
• I remembered to take the stuff for the planting activity after the PTA Meeting (this is something I was really worried about)
• I cleared most of my desk yesterday and finally feel like I can sit down at it without being in utter chaos.  
• I have caught up with the laundry.  
• I did some major grocery shopping and bought most of the Easter outfits last weekend.  
• I have found a chance to write a bit, even though I have had to stop about 10 times during this short post.    

I am sure I can think of some more things, but it's a start.  I'm glad I started writing today.  I may never have thought of this otherwise...I am going to try to keep a have-done list for the next few weeks.  Maybe it will help me feel like I am back on track.

I left them in this room for less than 20 min. while I was cleaning the kitchen.

 

Maybe they need a better calculator.

My husband and I have the 200 MB data plan from AT&T.  We have a wireless router at our house and try to use wifi when we are out and about.  We rarely go over our data usage.  About a week and a half ago, he got a message telling him he had used 65% of his data, so he started being mindful about when and where he used his phone.  Yesterday he got a 90% alert. 

We have really been trying to cut excess spending, so he disabled all of the push notifications and tried to disable the 4g.  He also checked to see exactly what his usage was and was surprised to see he had only used 109 MB.  Most people could figure out that that is just above 50% (54.5% to be exact).  Not that complicated... or so one would think.

He asked me to call AT&T to see which was correct.  Oh, my!  From the beginning, the customer service gal was not understanding the problem.  She confirmed that the 109 MB usage was correct.  I told her they needed to figure out why the alert was sent.  She said it was for both of us.  Though I, too, had only used 50%.  Trying to explain that was like trying to explain algebra to a kindergartner.  She kept saying, "Yes, but it is for both lines."  She finally realized that 200 out of 400 is not 90% no matter how you figure it.  Though probably 5 times she put me on a brief hold to calculate.  Then she decided my complaint was that it only took a week to go from 65% to 90% and started asking if we had used the internet connection.  Never mind the fact that both lines are nowhere near 65% according to the system. 

Finally she said I could upgrade my plan to be sure I wouldn't go over.  I didn't need an upgrade!  I have barely used half the data with only a week to go!  I told her, "Here's what I'm going to do.  I am going to take your name, write down the exact usage you are showing with the date and if I get charged overage, I will be calling back to get a refund."  She didn't have much of a response.

All I wanted was a confirmation that the alert was an error, and if so, bring it to their attention that the error had occurred.  Or, a guarantee that we would not be charged an overage would have been nice.  I was amazed at how difficult that was to explain.  I still don't know if she ever understood.  

Back to what I'm good at.

It is only 6 days into the new year... 2013.  I don't really believe in making New Year's Resolutions... maybe I just don't believe in making them.  I always think of things I could work on, though I usually refrain from saying them out loud. 

This year I decided to try and better my life before my next birthday.  I listed several things, right here on my blog, that I would like to do better.  I know I'm only 3 months in, but not much has changed since then.  New Year's Day was coming up and I thought, "I am totally going to get back into exercise, logging my food and exercise into the My Fitness Pal app, get back on my Bible reading plan, keep my messes under control, and, a big one for me, work on my organization."  Yep, failed at all of the above so far.  I did clean up the Christmas wrapping paper mess in my crafting room tonight.  I can at least give myself credit for that one!

Right now I sit, typing at my desk that is covered in paper + lots of other things.  It is after midnight... pushing 1 am.  I finished my kids' Christmas gifts for their school teachers.  I was going to make them the Wednesday night before Christmas, but we ended up with two snow days and began our break early.  I had all break, but I chose to hold off until the night before break is over.  I also procrastinated on creating a flyer for a PTA event and printing the PTA cards that are long overdue to new members.  I have good excuses for putting that off (ran out of cards and had to wait for the new ones to come in and computer trouble), but still, I had all of the break!  

I am headed right back to what I am good at.  Going all day until all I want to do is sit when I get the kids to bed.  Procrastinating every chance I get.  Forgetting to do those things that 3 months ago seemed important enough to blog about and just last week struck me as New Year's Resolutions I should try to keep.

Why is it so hard to change?  Maybe I'll figure it out later...  

Lesson learned...the hard way.

The first week of December started out pretty much as usual.  December is always crazy... school programs, church programs, gifts to buy and wrap, parties to plan, treats to make, cards to make and send; the list can go on and on.  December is also an expensive month.  This year we had saved and planned to buy most of our gifts in one shopping trip.  The list was made, my parents were in town and they had agreed to watch the kids.  So off we went to buy a ton of stuff.  We filled a cart with gifts for the kids, grandparents, brothers and sisters, a few groceries... maybe the most we have spent in one trip to WalMart without buying one big item.  I was feeling pretty good.

In addition to all of the Christmas craziness, my computer had started acting kind of funny the day before our big shopping trip.  I assumed it could be solved by using the disk first aid.  Unfortunately I was wrong.  The next day, I took it to an appointment at the genius bar and received the news that the hard drive was failing.  Immediately, I was having some major buyer's remorse.  Why had I just spent all of my extra money the night before? 

I found someone who could replace the hard drive for a resonable price, but I was devastated to find out that we may not be able to recover my data.  I have close to 10,000 photos on that computer!  I have backed up maybe 9000, but it's been a year or so since the last time I backed up the photos.  Pretty much all of Paxton's life.  It was going to cost significantly more to do the data recovery, but I had to do it.  I want those pictures and videos, and I should probably try to recover my tax returns, too.  The computer headed to the shop. 

I never realized how much I rely on my computer.  I keep track of my spending, the weather, Christmas deliveries I was waiting on.  I found myself not keeping track of the days because I usually get on the computer in the morning to check my e-mail, bank account and facebook.  I forgot to go to an executive PTA meeting and my volunteer night at the dental clinic.  I was late getting my Christmas cards out because I couldn't make them, then I didn't have pictures I wanted from earlier in the year.  I couldn't print photos of Paxton or my nephew to put in First Christmas ornaments I had bought.  I had to find recipes for Christmas treats on my Kindle and my phone.  I gave up on the great ideas I had pinned for Christmas crafts and homemade gifts.  I am totally lost without a computer!

It was only a week and a half before I was able to pick the computer up, but it felt like an eternity.  Ultimately I survived.  My holiday preparations were a little more troublesome and there were things that I just didn't finish.  Two things were learned from this unfortunate inconvenience,  maybe I need to back off a bit from relying the computer, and I absolutely must start backing up my data.  I have yet to put anything back on the computer, but I will be using an external hard drive to back up all of my precious family memories from now on.  They were able to recover all of my data, but that isn't always the case.  The guy who did the repair said put it this way~ a failed hard drive can be a disaster, but if you keep up with your data back up, it is a mere inconvenience.

Lesson learned.